I'm So Tired
This entry was originally posted on September 14, 2002.
I cannot handle this kind of stress.
Life? Academics? No.
We almost lost to a really crappy team.
But that’s not all. In addition to the emotional stress of my team almost losing, the games are very physically intense as well. Yes, for the spectators. Watching a Badger football game in the students’ section is probably equivalent to jogging a mile or two.
First off, we stand the whole game. Sitting is for half-assed fans. Or people who would prefer to stare at some guy’s hairy calves than watch some truly atrocious football being played. Secondly, we dance. A lot.
It occurred to me about halfway through the 3rd quarter that to aliens from outer space, Badger football games must resemble some odd religious ritual, at least if you’re looking at the student sections.
Not only is every single person wearing Badger red, but virtually everyone participates in elaborately choreographed sequences designed to unite all the student sections and pit them against each other at the same time. There are certain actions that must be performed at certain times of the game, and when the band plays certain songs.
Take this one for example:
(Band plays opening notes, all the students stand with arms over head, forming an O).
All students sing: OOOOOOoooooooooooooOOOOOOOoooooooooooOOO!
Sections L, M, N, P: Sucks! (points at section O)
Section O: Fuck you! (flip off other sections)
Sections L, M, N, P: Eat shit! (points at section O)
Repeat for duration of song…
It makes no sense to anyone else but us. And actually, I’m not even sure it makes sense to us unless we’re drunk.
And then AFTER the game, we have our 5th Quarter celebration, where the dances get even more insane, involving spinning, marching along bleachers, polka, and doing the chicken dance up and down bleachers.
If you have no idea what the chicken dance is, you are truly missing out on one of the great oddities of Wisconsin culture.
At the end of 5th Quarter, we all link arms and jump down the bleachers and exit the stadium in a semi-orderly fashion, only to have to run like heck once we get out in order to not get run over by the large and brakeless marching band.
Crazy? Yes. Fun? Yes. Disturbingly cultish? Yes. But if you’re ever in the area and want to attend a game, give me a call! And make sure to load up your keychain with lots of metal objects so it jangles loudly…
Chipanglish
CogKnition
Gustatory Circuit